COLOMBIANA review (Grade: F)
By Jonathan Decker
Mindless. Heartless. Soulless. Colombiana is the worst kind of action film, one that revels in vengeance and bloodshed without remorse (truly great action films, on the other hand, are about fighting for justice and protecting the innocent). Colombiana, with its terrible dialogue, boring characters, huge plot holes, cliched storytelling, and by-the-numbers filmmaking, wastes the talents of star Zoe Saldana, who evoked spunk and compassion in Star Trek, warmth and charm in The Terminal, and gave the lone standout performance in Avatar.
Here she's an assassin seeking vengeance for her parents' deaths, and the screenplay gives her nothing to work with. The Terminator showed more life and compassion. Trained by her uncle to kill for money, she's as vile as the “bad guys” she's trying to bring down. A movie this full of action shouldn't be so boring, but with no one to care about (paltry attempts to slip in a romantic subplot fall flat) the only hope is in the stunts and fights, but these are filmed too closely and edited too choppily. There is literally nothing redeemable in this humorless and plodding revenge movie.
CONTENT OVERVIEW: Colombiana is rated PG-13, though it pushes an R with sadistic and glorified violence, gratuitous sexuality and nudity, and dialogue that is heavy on profanity and light on intelligence.
MESSAGES TO DISCUSS: The quest for vengeance leads to an unending cycle of bloodshed as well as the loss of the ability to love and feel tender emotions.
For a far superior film with a strong female action hero, check out Serenity! Rent or buy it here.
Jonathan Decker is the clinical director of Your Family Expert. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist, husband, and father of five. Jonathan earned a masters degree in family therapy from Auburn University as well as a bachelor's degree in clinical psychology from Brigham Young University. He is an actor, author, and television personality.