By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT “I'm not the problem, he is.” “It's not my fault, it's hers.” Many individuals feel this way in their relationships. Despite the popularity of the axiom “it takes two to tango,” many are quick to blame their partner instead of first looking at their own role in molding the situation. The truth is, both partners created ...[Read More]
Is it Ever Just One Spouse’s Fault? (The Answer Will Surprise You)
4 Tips for When Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work
By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” This satirical self-affirmation, made famous by Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley, highlights the type of thinking advised by many therapists, researchers, life coaches, and others. While there is much research to support the power of positive thinking, sometimes it just does ...[Read More]
Are You Keeping Your Spouse from Changing?
Want your partner to change? You might accidentally be hurting your cause. Here's what to do differently.
Is Guilt Healthy or Harmful?
By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT In my observation there are two schools of thought about guilt. The first is that it's a healthy emotion that inspires us to change our behavior, while the second argues that guilt contributes to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness that impede our growth. So is guilt healthy or harmful? The truth is, it can be either. Like fire, guilt can be benef ...[Read More]
How to Help Men and Boys Be Honest, Accountable
By Jonathan Decker, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Note: this article represents a combination of the author’s insights and information from the book How to Improve You Marriage Without Talking About It, by Steven Stosny Ph.d and Patricia Love. For the record, dishonesty, manipulation, and blame-shifting aren’t exclusively male problems. We all know women and girls who do the same. Also ...[Read More]
Should You Ever Apologize to Your Child?
By Jonathan Decker (Clinical Director, LMFT) For some time I have been struck with just how many of my clients, while dealing with their own mental, emotional, or relational struggles, mention that they had a parent who “always had to be right,” and “never took accountability for anything.” While they cannot ultimately blame their parents for their own behavior, the fact is ...[Read More]