healthy relationships

4 Ways to Handle Your Spouse Changing from Jekyll to Hyde

4 Ways to Handle Your Spouse Changing from Jekyll to Hyde

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT We’ve all experienced it, the “Jekyll-and-Hyde Syndrome,” in which a normally decent partner, friend, or family member turns into an irrational dolt and/or grumpy monster. We feel frustrated when they won’t listen to reason, hurt when they lash out, and confused when they make choices we don’t agree with. In life and in my therapy practice, I’ve fo ...[Read More]

love

Do Your Relationships Need Less Conflict… Or More Love?

Many believe that their relationships need less fighting and withdrawing, but what they really need is more affection.

forgiveness

Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Trust

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical director, LMFT There seems to be a widespread belief, especially among those who've hurt others, that with forgiveness comes a restoration of trust. In other words, if the offended individual doesn't trust the offender and resume the same relationship with them, then the offended has not truly forgiven. Nothing could be further from the truth. Forgiveness is nothing mo ...[Read More]

spouse

Never Treat Your Spouse “Like You Want to be Treated.” Do This Instead.

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” The Golden Rule has been the standard of behavior in friendships, business partnerships, customer service, and much more. In marriage, however, it can actually lead to problems. Might I suggest an amendment? “Treat your spouse the way he or she wants to be treated.” How to Love Your S ...[Read More]

20 Movies That’ll Strengthen Your Marriage

20 Movies That’ll Strengthen Your Marriage

By Jonathan Decker (Clinical director, LMFT) Hollywood favors “falling in love” stories rather than “staying in love” stories. Healthy, long-lasting marriages are far too often viewed by Tinseltown as dramatically stale, but there are exceptions to this rule. Below are 20 of my favorite  cinematic depictions of what it takes to make love last. Click on the titles to buy the ...[Read More]

How to Balance Self-Care with Helping Others

How to Balance Self-Care with Helping Others

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT When I was young, my father and I bonded over archery. Dad taught me that I had to unstring the bow when I wasn't using it, allowing the wood to straighten and the cord to dangle loose. If I didn't allow the bow to rest, or in other words, if I left the cord tight and the wood bent, I'd ruin the bow. Over time, it’d no longer be taut. The wood would spli ...[Read More]

public speaker

Can Anyone Be a Fearless Public Speaker? Even You?

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT “According to studies, most people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means, at a funeral, the average person would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld About a decade ago I performed with a comedy group in college. Some nights I was “on,” but other nights I'd get nervous about t ...[Read More]

bad boys

Why Bad Boys and Wild Girls are Overrated

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT Whether it’s art imitating life or vice versa, society at large seems to agree with a prevalent theme of pop culture: nice guys and good girls are boring, while bad boys and “girls gone wild” are attractive and exciting. Allow me to challenge this frothy fiction with the potency of reality: there is nothing more attractive than someone with a ...[Read More]

Why the “Bored Couple at the Restaurant” May be the Happiest

Why the “Bored Couple at the Restaurant” May be the Happiest

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT There may be no greater argument against lifelong monogamy than the bored couple in the restaurant. “Oh heaven, please don't let us end up like them,” you may have thought as you observe them silently picking at their food, looking at their phones, or vacantly scanning the restaurant for something presumably more interesting than their partne ...[Read More]

sexual

The Key to Sexual Fulfillment? It’s Not What Many People Think

By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT This article contains a frank, but not crass, discussion of sex and is intended for mature readers.  CHASING AFTER MIRAGES You see the headlines screaming at you from the magazine rack at the grocery store. They say things like “Rock His World Tonight,” and “101 Forbidden Positions to Spice Things Up!” If you check your junk mail ...[Read More]